The Trap of Avoidance: Why Trying to Get Rid of Anxiety Only Makes It Stronger
Jonah Lakin PsyD
In the world of OCD, the primary goal—for most of my clients—feels intuitively correct: I need to get rid of this anxiety. Whether it’s an intrusive thought about harming someone, a fear of germs, or an overwhelming doubt about moral wrongdoings, the immediate impulse is to find a way to eliminate that uncomfortable feeling.
We do this through avoidance. If you are afraid of germs, you avoid door handles. If you have intrusive thoughts about hurting others, you avoid holding knives or being near people you care about. If you are worried about your health, you avoid the discomfort of not knowing by seeking constant reassurance.
The problem? Avoidance is the fuel that keeps OCD running.
The Paradox of Avoidance
When we avoid a situation, we are essentially telling our brain: "This situation is dangerous, and the only way to stay safe is to stay away from it."
In the short term, this provides relief. Your heart rate drops, the panic subsides, and you feel "safe" again. But this relief is a trap. By avoiding the trigger, you never give your brain the opportunity to learn that the situation—or the thought—is actually benign. You are reinforcing the belief that the fear was justified.
The more you avoid, the smaller your world becomes. And the smaller your world becomes, the more power the OCD has to shrink it further.
Avoidance in Practice: A Quick Look at Subtypes
Avoidance manifests in different ways depending on the subtype of OCD, but the outcome is always the same: it keeps the cycle of anxiety intact.
Harm OCD: A client might avoid kitchen knives, refrain from being alone with loved ones, or even avoid certain violent media. By avoiding these, they never learn that the intrusive thought does not equate to the intent or likelihood of acting on it.
Contamination OCD: This often starts with avoiding "dirty" surfaces or public spaces. Eventually, it can expand to avoiding entire rooms in one’s own home or refusing to touch shared items. The avoidance reinforces the idea that these things are a threat that must be managed, rather than just uncomfortable stimuli to be experienced.
Health OCD: The avoidance here is particularly complex. While it might look like the individual is seeking "answers," they are actually avoiding the fundamental anxiety of living with uncertainty. They attempt to escape the fear of illness by engaging in constant, repetitive reassurance-seeking—whether through excessive internet searching or frequent medical visits. By "checking" their health in this way, they are trying to avoid the possibility of a negative outcome. However, this compulsion only feeds the need for more certainty, making the anxiety grow louder every time the "clean bill of health" wears off.
Scrupulosity (Moral OCD): This often involves avoiding situations where a "mistake" might be made. A client might avoid making decisions, avoid social interactions where they might say the "wrong" thing, or avoid activities that feel "impure." This prevents them from learning how to live with the inherent uncertainty of being a good person.
From Avoidance to Exposure
The core of effective treatment—the work we do in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and specifically Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)—is essentially the opposite of avoidance.
Instead of avoiding the anxiety, we intentionally move toward it. We stop the ritualized behavior (the compulsion) and we stop the avoidance. We lean into the discomfort and the uncertainty.
It’s not about "conquering" anxiety. It’s about teaching your brain that you can coexist with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings without having to "fix" them. When you stop avoiding, you stop feeding the OCD, and you start reclaiming your life.
Disclaimer: This post is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose or treat any mental health condition.